Recognize These Two?: Instruments and Records Got Jacked in Van Nuys

Oh, for the love of rock and roll! Someone apparently needed a new wardrobe and a soundtrack for their basement band because they decided to liberate a cherished collection of instruments and gold records from a darn storage unit!

Seriously? It’s 2024, people. We have security cameras; unlike the rest of the security features of StorCal Self Storage on Oxnard Street, at least the cameras worked. These two Einsteins somehow managed to miss the whole “don’t cut locks” memo and waltzed right in like they were auditioning for a Bon Jovi cover band.

Here’s the haul these geniuses scored:

• There are a bunch of awesome guitars, including a 1998 Fender Telecaster (the kind actual musicians would kill for).

• A treasure trove of music tees and tour jackets – perfect for that “totally authentic” look, I’m sure.

• And let’s not forget the framed gold and platinum records! Because who wouldn’t want some bragging rights they clearly didn’t earn?

Look, if you happen to stumble upon this collection at a pawn shop or see a dude rocking a vintage Tele with questionable taste, do the right thing. The LAPD case number is 2409-08379, and I, private investigator Marc Hinch, can be reached at (408) 461-7714.

The stolen guitars include:

1998 Fender Telecaster 40th Anniversary – Brown Sunburst
1989 Fender Stratocaster Pewter Grey
1998 Gibson Les Paul Studio
1967 Gibson SG Melody Maker
2005 Ibanez Acoustic Electric color blue

Seriously, any help would be appreciated. Unlike StorCal’s apparent lack of security measures.